Pumasok ako sa school kanina kahit bukas pa pasok ko. Nag-move lang ako ng block. Dapat daw kasi sama-sama padin kami kasi nga thesis. Ang haba ng pila sa department grabe, buti may connection ang lola niyo, sagad sa connection na naka lusot kami kahit hindi kami nakapagbayad ng org fee. Huehuehue medyo bad girl. Ayun ang bilis naming natapos.
Bukas ang aga ng pasok ko tapos isang subject lang ano ba yan. Tapos sa Friday from 7:30 am to 9:00 pm pasok ko. Bale M Tue W Thu at Sat wala talaga akong pasok sa school. Dedicated siya sa OJT at thesis. Saya no? Okay last sem na lang to. Push! Push!
Wala kaming patay dito sa Manila. Yung lolo ko sa father side ko nakalibing sa Buhi Cam. Sur tapos yung lola ko sa father side ko naka libing naman sa Naga City Cementery. Ipagsisindi ko na lang sila ng kandila gaya ng taon-taon ko ng ginagawa.
Dati binibisita pa namin si lolo. Tapos gumagawa ba kami ng bola gawa sa luha ng mga kandila. Tapos pag-uwi may kainan na akala mo pyesta. Ngayon nasa bahay lang kami.
Kaya medyo waley yung Holiday samin.
I’ve been caressing the intricate folds of sunlight with my hand
I’ve been holding on to the emptiness of the air
I’ve been feeling every single grain of sand
I’ve been going through my own hair
Places where my hand should but should not be
places where my lips should ever feel
surfaces of every smooth surfaces
but they are not your skin
They are not the softness of your lips
nor the pureness of your every sin
nor all hidden treasures ever found
cause I’m not holding your hand
I’ve been going on and on
I’ve been losing my mind
Pretending your around me
pretending you were mine.
I had a best friend once, everyday he reminds me of how ugly I am, but whenever I caught him staring at me he looks at me as if the sun rises from my butt and the moon shines to caress my face. It’s as if he sees stars whenever he sees me. Everyday he tells me that nobody would ever dare to love me because loving me is stupid, but whenever it’s raining he volunteers to hold my umbrella, he lift my books and he waits for me no matter how long I take.
And when I told him I am leaving and I don’t think I’ll ever return he just nodded and smiled and he never went to see me again, even during my last day.
After a year I received a phone call from an anonymous number asking me how I am and he told me he was fine and he told me that it’s stupid that he never said goodbye. Then he bid me goodbye and ended the call. I didn’t even have time to speak. He was in a rush.
A month after that we started exchanging messages, from good nights there came the I miss yous. And I laughed and he sounds embarassed and he told me I’m ugly.. but when I didn’t respond the way I usually does he cracked the silence by telling me I am the most beautiful girl he ever saw. He told me he misses hanging out with me and he misses the way my dimples shows when I talk. He misses it when my eyes lit up when I tell a story and he misses the way I touch his arm. But even before I could react he ended the call.
I don’t really know when and I don’t really know how, but something changed that night. And it stays that way for three to four months. And it seems okay for me to miss him and it feels good to hear his voice, and I’m hungry to see him again. If only.. One night I blurted out that I love him, and it stupid and I felt stupid and I ended the call. We never heard from each other again for like two weeks.
And one day I received a voicemail, something I’ve never received before. And upon pressing play, it’s as if I can actually hear him smile. He said the date of the recording, where was he, and why he sent the voicemail. And it feels weird that I felt a huge painful knot forming at the pits of my stomach.. and I heard three words that I’ve never heard before. And then tears came and he ended the voicemail.
I spent the night crying and replaying it.
That’s the first time I feel loved. And I won’t forget that, and I won’t forget him.
And that’s the last time I said I love you to someone who doesn’t really belonged to me and it’s been five years ago.
When some random girl wears make up, half of the other girls would ask her why she wears them and hopes that she wouldn’t anymore because it hides her natural beauty and will proudly tell the girl that they don’t wear them. Like they were better. Half of the girls would adore her and even hang out and ask her what foundation she used and what shade of red is that she’s wearing. They will tell her she looks beautiful and that they love make up and wearing them too.
Those who do not wear make up is beautiful. Those who do is as beautiful as those who don’t. Natural beauty is what beauty God has given you. The beauty you were born with, just the way it should be. Also, natural beauty is the one that radiates from you. Your poise, your confidence, and your courage to let people stare in your eyes.
A simple make up coverage can hide pimples, scars and other blemishes of the skin, but it doesn’t hide a woman’s natural beauty. It even emphasizes it. One can be called a make up artist because putting on make up on your self or on to others is art. Just like painting where you could put colorful paints on a simply beautiful plain white canvas. It’s beautiful as it is. So what’s the arguing all about?
Do what you got to do or you want to do. Be you.
And if you are bothered because someone’s putting on make up, maybe it’s time for you to stop being insecure and mind your own face. It’s their interest, they find joy from it and they like doing it. Being plain and simple doesn’t make you better than any one else. Sometimes it just makes you dull.
I personally use make up, I’st my hobby, sort of.
So please don’t hate me because I do what I love doing. Don’t nag at people because they do what they want they want with their life. It’s nice that you have your own opinions on things, but it doesn’t give you the right to shove it up to everybody’s throat. Be respectful.
I realized that unlike other people I say, ‘I love you’ a lot. Others might think that it’s cool and okay but I think not. Because I think that by saying those three words you were exposing your heart to people so they could break it for you. And that is how it was for me, all those times. And every time I say those words I came to regret saying it.
So keep those words. And enjoy the pain that accompanies it, because that pain is sweeter than the pain of a rejected heart.
Everyday for the past nineteen years there has been this whole in my chest where a heart should be. Every time for the past nineteen years I try and befriend people who will place a heart in that whole where mine should have been, some hearts fill the whole, some did not at all.. but it’s alright. Some nights a hurricane forms inside the whole and everything feels hollow and cold, some nights the storms are sated and it’s alright. Some nights are better than other nights. Some hearts are better than other hearts but it still feels the same.
For the past nineteen years.
Oo naman, yan gawain ko eh. Tamad na tamad eh no? Hahaha
Exceptional psych naman naka-focus naman sa mga disorder, disabilities, diseases, giftednes.. ng tao. But not focusing on mental disorders so much.
Sa autism more like, tapos sa mental retardation, intellectual disorders, learning disabilities, emotional and behavioral disorder etc. :) Dito wala masyadong requirements although sana dapat may field trip kami dito kaso hindi natuloy kasi na-short kami sa oras. So far isang magandang libro lang talaga yung major requirement dito. Beware, common ang reporting dito. Very very useful subject especially kung aim mong mag-clinical psych or mag-focus on SPED teaching or want to take masters degree on psychology.
Physics, basics and advance yan since five units yan. Shet, AYUSIN MO YAN, medyo mahirap yan (mahirap in a sense na yung utak ng mga psych majors inclined more on analytical, psychological stuff and shit at hindi masyado sa mathematical hahaha) madaming bumabagsak diyan at hindi na nakakabangon. Seryoso nagmamakaawa ako sayo, huwag mo tong papabayaan, deadly subject. Ito lang ang tres ko sa buong buhay ko wtf I can’t even.. Ha? Seryoso don’t take it lightly. Sobra. Hindi naman sa nananakot ako pero, matakot ka talaga. Hahaha. No srsly.
Tama! Hahahaha. Hobby niyang mag-bagsak eh.
Strictly school uniform po. :)
Alam ko oo, kasi depende yung unit nung subject sa worth nung subject na yun, what more kung madami kang kukuning subject. I don’t really know kung may advance summer ek ek kasi hindi ako naggaganun. Pero kung sakali man;
Pros: you’ll be advanced in those subjects tapos you’ll be saving time kasi madami kang magagawa sa mga susunod na free hours mo.
Cons: you wouldn’t experience that subject the same way others would, tapos konti lang kayo sa room.