valar morghulis

First Step

Before anything else I would like to thank everyone who liked my pictures here and on IG [vainbutterfly] and to those who gave me their heartfelt congratulations here in tumblr. You know who you are and thank you again so much for everything! :)

Yesterday [042314] I officially graduated college with a bachelors degree in Psychology. Yesterday didn’t feel really that emotional, in fact, it feels like a release. Well, I don’t know about the other graduates but I sure felt the freedom/responsibilities that will soon come after. 

Right after the ceremony and the tedious hot process of gathering as much friend as you like to take memorable pictures with my family and I went out to celebrate the day at the mall. We ate good lunch, take Iyah to the dentist to have her baby tooth pulled out, my mom her pasta, Sherelyn and I to Starbucks and off to the bowling alley to chill for awhile. My stepdad, Iyah and Sherelyn played while I lounge with my mother and my baby brother. I forgot to mention that my stepdad gave me a beautiful bouquet before the graduation ceremony! Yeah.

Then we went home and rested.

Good thing that our city government had this job fair thing going on because I really want to have a job before May just because. So I went earlier today and got myself booked for various job interviews along Makati and Ortigas. In fact, tomorrow I have three interviews scheduled. So there’s that. 

The first step or the first box in my to-do list is done and checked well. Now I need to have a job and start saving while reviewing for the board exam and then who knows what will follow after? All I can say is that I am excited, nervous, and apprehensive of the future. I am trying my very very best to push myself out of my bubble. Although I enjoy my introvert self so much I have to train myself to let her go, I have to be out in my comfort zone, be as extraverted as I used to be, meet people and gather as much opportunities as I can.

Well, wish me a good luck and enough rambling for now. 

As much as I want to take pictures with every person I knew and met in college, talagang ang daming tao lang talaga. Hahaha nonetheless, I am thankful and blessed for and with this people. Now the battle is won and each of us have our own wars to work on to. :)

Today a Bachelors degree, tomorrow a Masters degree. 042314.

Has anyone of you here ever seen the movie Sleeping Beauty? Not the Disney film but the motion picture x-rated Australian film where the lead girl in Sucker Punch also played the lead? I am really interested in knowing what other people think of that movie. 

I have seen it and I would want other people to share their thoughts with me… please

Anonymous asked: Happy easter sunday ate! How do you celebrate it?

Sorry late! For some reason tumblr doesn’t notify me when I receive asks. Huhu.

I spent the Holy week at home. I wasn’t really religious. But I did spent Easter Sunday with the family at SM Megamall. Hahaha. :)

Anonymous asked: Ate hello po, ano po ang magiging reaction nyo just in case mangyari sayo to na yung asawa mo biglang sinabi sayo na pinikot mo lng sya. Kasi nabuntis ka nya but you never ask him na panagutan ka nya. Mutual decision nyo na magsama na lng. Pro ganun pla yung mindset nya na pinikot mo lng sya. Sobrang sakit po pla. Do you think po na minahal din nya ako?

If I were you magiging sobrang upset ako. Oh My God. WHY?!?! I mean, I thought you asked me to be with you because you love me. Ewan ko ha. I am actually terrified of marriages. I made a post about it before about how I might scream and run to the hills when the time comes na may magmamahal sakin enough to ask me to marry him kasi I may have some serious commitment issue and if ever na maging matapang at malakas ako to ever say I do… at MARINIG YAN GALING SA KANYA?!?!?!

What the fuck?!

That would be my actual reaction. Iiyak ako ng isang swimming pool. Baka ma-stuck na lang ako sa kwarto, nakatitig sa kisame. Ewan ko, because that is seriously heart breaking and I am sorry that it is even happening to you. You honestly honestly don’t deserve that pain. Oh my god. I’m sorry to say this but honestly I think your husband is a douche. How dare he say that? Pareho naman siguro kayong aware nang may mangyari sa inyo diba? Siguro hindi inaasahan pero pareho niyo namang anak yan diba? AND YES, nobody asked him to be with you. Kung napi-pressure man siya dahil sa situation I don’t think its your fault na nagsama kayo. I hope hindi pa kayo officially kasal.  Kasi kung ganyan din naman pala, much better kung wag na lang. Sure he’s the father of your child but hindi naman required na siya rin yung magiging partner mo for life, for fuck sake it is your life! Hindi mo naman siguro gugustuhing makisama sa isang taong napipilitan lang naman pala. Everyone deserves to be happy. Kung hindi siya masaya, let him go. YOU find the right guy FOR you. Let him be the father and let you be happy.

/much feels

Night Ritual

Household chores ends at nine, officially, and the people in our house starts scramming for their rooms and I, on mine. By this point I am in bed doing stuff in my laptop. Do and be in random networking sites or watch some random movies or tv series. I like Game of Thrones, Reign, The Vampire Diaries and I recently been watching the Modern Families. If there are no new episode for the first three series I mentioned I go and continue my MF marathon. I am now in season five which is exciting because I love MF. At around 11 I go grab my towel, my personal toiletries, pajamas and head for the shower (I love showers, they are a spiritual experience!). Then, as odd as it may seem, I made me coffee. I love coffee. And I am loving Nestle Cappucino a lot this past few months. While I drink my coffee, continue watching MF, I do my night time skin care routine which is a must! And continue with my watching until I recall the time at around three in the morning and by then I will fall asleep.

I will wake at around 11 in the morning, which is early, and 2 in the afternoon, which is extremely late do my morning skin care routine and head for the day!

Some Stuff

Spent Easter Sunday with my mother, my sisters, my brother and my aunt at SM Megamall. It was too early for church, too early that the service is specially Chinese and we are not Chinese last time we checked and so we decided to go later when people are speaking in English. 

My sister had her teeth x-rayed as per requirement for her orthodontics. We returned/exchanged the dress my mom and I bought the last time we’re at Megamall. The dress was fine and pretty, it actually kinda fit except perhaps the chest area, the department I am so obviously lacking. Besides its quite avant garde for a formal occasion. Although I find it okay and pretty I am not really in love with it? The dress we’re looking for is for my graduation, and we end up buying that hot red dress just because I got tired of fitting dresses and stuff and I am already done with shopping by then.

Yep, long story short I got a so-so dress that I don’t think I’m really going to wear on my graduation day. A shame to waste a good dress and money we came back and had an item exchange. I got a little black dress that I like much much more. It fits nicely and has a peek-a-boo, slits or triangle thingy, I don’t know how you call it, on each sides which is really something. And then we had lunch at Super Bowl of China one of my fave places to eat and we ordered the same thing we order every time we’re in there. 

After having our lovely lunch we send Iyah, my six year old sister, to a play house to drain some of her pent-up energies so when its time for mass she will not make a mess and fall asleep instead. And so that’s what happened. I am sleepy. I don’t even remember what the Homily was about (sorry I’m just not a church person, I know I will burn in hell, I don’t mind, really). And we go grocery shopping, and oh! I forgot, before the groceries we went and bought makeups! My fave part. My mom and I each bought falsies to wear on my graduation. She bought her fave stick foundation, I bought a new mascara and a cream concealer and then grocery. My sister Sherelyn and I bought milk teas and we went home.

Today I went to the hair salon to have my hair rebonded. Ugh I hate going to beauty parlors. I hate the ambiance and the smell. Anyway I had my hair yanked, pulled, ironed, burnt… I don’t know why my mother kept on insisting me going to the hair salon. Well, my hair has been growing so my natural dry, coarse, frizzy, thick hair is showing. I just hate hair salons! Now I look like a pin head with my hair pushed so close to my scalp in stick straightness. God. My scalp is hot and so dry and I may have few scalp wounds. Gross. My head hurts.

The big day will be this coming Wednesday, can’t hide my excitement.

That is sarcasm, I am really not that excited. Ugh. A handful of my friends had their first day on their actual first jobs today and I am really really happy and excited for them, which made me feel a little bit self-disappointed. I don’t know. I have sent probably 10 resumes as of recently and I have never received a proper email response. Somebody called but I am stupid enough to leave my phone at home while I’m away. Sherelyn got the call but I wasn’t home. She said it’s from some company asking for me… since I’m not home, goodbye opportunity. God damnit!

Anyway… I am waiting for the graduation to be done so I could officially start scouting for a job. My parents, friends, and countrymen are pressuring me, but not as much as I pressure myself. Everything sucks for me at the moment I don’t know why.

I feel like I’m in a tank and the water is rising to me and now its almost at my neck.

Anonymous asked: Whooaaaahh waley tubig. Kayo po ate may tubig sa inyo ngayon? Di muna uso ang ligo.

Whooaa may tubig naman kami. Hahaha. Ang init pa man din. Tambay-tambay muna sa mall. Pa-aircon ka muna. Hahahaha.

Anonymous asked: ate, ano ba pwedeng cause pag ganun? di na magkakaanak? woahhhhh

OA. Di naman siguro. Baka talagang hormonal imbalance lang. Hahahaha

Anonymous asked: ate ako nga iregg for almost 4 months natatakot na nga ako eh

Yung friend ko 5 mos takot na takot siya hahahahaha wtf pero bigla ding dumating eh. Dios mio. Matagal na sakin ang two months eh. 

The inconvenience of being an irregular. Everything about my hormones and the small pea-shit in my brain called pituitary gland is fucked. Once again I am delayed and it is frustrating. Two months. What the hell. If this is some kind of peek-a-boo game, I am not interested.

I’m bloated. Horny. Craving and hungry all the time… I feel majestic! 

Anonymous asked: Ate san po kayo magspend ng holy week? :)

Sa bahay lang ako eh. Huehue.

Family History

When I was a young girl, 10, I was sent to a province with my sister to spend our summer vacation in. It’s the first time we’ll be spending it with my grandparents on my father’s side for we always stay with my other grandparents. One night we literally sat in the middle of our little courtyard by the bonfire with my other distant cousins and other distant relatives as our elders began sharing family histories. Too amazing to be real, but too vivid and detailed to be shaken off as made-up stories. While the elders talk animatedly of various adventures, myths and horror stories we children just sat and listened.

Then my grand mother told us a love story. According to her, her fore father was a Spanish captain, something like a civil guard of some sort. And they are patrolling around this small barangay. It was a lovely afternoon when the captain and his guards came to a sapa, they heard pretty voices of girls chatting and giggling with each other and the steady thumping of a palo-palo. And since they are Spanish guards, the ladies were all scared and threatened. They stopped talking, giggling and washing their laundries when the civil guards approached. They all stood, huddling together like scared hens, their saya all wet up to their knees. A pretty sight for the guards.

The captain raised both his hands and told them that they won’t harm them. The captain even ordered his men to hide their guns and sundangs. They even removed their helms. All the ladies were scared, for the rumors of civil guards are also rapists and Filipina women often fell as victims.

Then there was one girl, who stood in front of the flock of scared hens. She stood tall despite her height, her curly black hair fall effortlessly and flawlessly on her shoulders. Her arms stretched like a cross, like a shield protecting her friends. When the captain of the guard came closer she took a step forward meeting him. She told him that she will kill him if they touch any of the girls. Even showing the captain a little sundang hanging on the girl’s hips. While the guards laughed, the captain just stared at the girl’s eyes. And they stood there, looking at each other. 

The captain introduced himself and the girl just stood straight. My grandmother said that not responding to a full blood Spaniard when asked was a sign of disrespect and often leads to a broken lip, but the girl just stood there like she doesn’t give a damn whoever he was. The captain was shocked by her, and also, amused. The captain asked for her pardon, went down on his knees and kissed her hand.  A traditional greeting of noble Spaniards. A greeting of a noble man to a high born lady. Everyone was surprised, even the girl. She took her hand in a hurry, for it is too much to bear. And quite a scandal! After all, she is nothing but a native girl… Blushing she told the captain to leave. And when the captain stood, he begged for a name. And she gave hers. The captain bowed, and ordered his men to leave in peace. The captain bowed, and left with his guards. Giving the girl one lasting glance.

That night the girl has gone missing. Rumor has it that the captain took her. That the two eloped and lived together.

I think it’s a pretty story. Made-up or real.


I used to watched Skins UK. In fact I finished the first two generation. Broke my heart. I love shows that is mind boggling and gets you thinking. Plus the drama is so real and so raw it just grates your heart. I’m thinking of seeing the third generation but.. I don’t know. Nothing beats the first two generation.

On other news, it’s too hot. I’m just gonna go and take a bath. Come with me?