NO RAGRETS


Congested

There’s a virus going around the office and it finally hit me! I’m actually on Day 3. Day 1 was all runny nose and sneeze balls. Day 2 nasal congestion and a bit of headache. Day 3 is just pure nasal congestion… so imagine me facilitating a contract signing, can’t even enunciate the words properly because my nose is all goofed up. Hahahahaha.

If you don’t know already, I am the type of person who steer clear of taking in any kind or form of medication. Even for serious cases of dysmenorrhea I try to manage on my own despite the torture.. but I decided to take a nasal decongestant-antihistamine pill last night because I seriously cannot breathe. And after taking it in I felt like my brain was filled with air. Ugh I hate medications. Fucks me up so bad.

Now I cannot taste anything. I’m tasteless.

Anonymous asked: So may favoritism din pla mom mo same as with my mom. But in my case ako daw yung favorite kaya galit sakin mga siblings ko at nagseselos sila. Haaayyyy ang hard sa feelings no?

Walang fairness. Hahaha. Wala lang minsan nagpapaka-childish lang ako.

I need a hug. :( I am so stressed out.

p0lariss:

*follows dreams* *dreams dont follow back* *unfollows dreams*

My mom left us to work abroad when I was seven years old. When she came back when I was in thirteen she broke up with my dad and ever since then we live with her and her new family.

The thing about my mom that saddens me the most is that she never really gave me time to enjoy my childhood. When she left, I was left with my dad who gave me a very long leash to enjoy my childhood life, and when she came back that leach was cut short. And I have to behave, I have to be that, and I have to be this. She forced me to mature. Like, I have to mature. And I am at loss. When she returned I am just a budding adolescent about to experiment about my own life and my love life but she put rules and limits and deadlines. I never got to enjoy high school with my friends because we kept on moving places hence, moving schools. I am not allowed to have relationships, not even crushes.. I am not allowed to go home even a minute late to socialize. I have to be an adult.

Now I am an adult. And I feel like I lost a lot of opportunities. I mean, I think I did pretty well given the circumstances, but I can’t help but to feel like I never really became a teenager. My teenage years was fast forwarded. And going back, she never ever really treated me like a child. Ever. Even when I was in kindergarten she expected me to always do things the right and mature way. A small misstep, a very understandable mistake I was punished.

It’s unfair.

And to see how lenient she is with my siblings is unfair. 

My mother was only eighteen when she had me and I understand why she is the way she is. She wants somebody to be the adult for her. But… I hope she doesn’t lean on me as much because I can never have my turn. I can never have her as someone to lean on to. I can never speak to her about my childish thoughts and dreams. I have to be a mother to her and her not mine. I just don’t understand why I don’t have a choice but to bottle all these fears, insecurities, uncertainties inside me just cause I don’t have anyone to vent them all out into.

Why don’t I have a mother? 

Push me hard

I am trying not to over think things, but I am catching myself worrying about the board exam. I don’t want to think negatively about my future score since I think I can handle it but.. I.. just.. fuck.. things.. up.. sometimes. And when I fuck things up, I fuck them hard. So yeah. It worries me.

But naaa. I’m just going to suppress this anxiety cause if I don’t I might throw up. Last last night I almost had a panic attack just cause my mind went a little overboard with the worrying.

I just need a hard push and a constant motivation. I am lacking motivation these days. I’m so uninspired. *cue in Untouched- Veronicas*

I bought a  new notebook and colorful pens just so I could take notes of stuff. I am also thinking of putting all my papers in a huge binder thingy folder. I will ask my step dad how he did his cause I saw this cute binder thingy at the book store and I want to organize all my handouts in a binder thingy to make it look less uncomfortable to look at.

And yeah, I am going to treat myself like a high school student with a five minute attention span. I will organize all of them, make it all colorful, girly, basic and less traumatizing.This is a new intervention. Hahahaha. 

Thing is I am having a hard time balancing work and studies, especially since my job is so consuming. I always got no time to study. And when I get home I usually prefer just lounging around just to calm my tits some more. Huhuhu. I need a secretary to help me sort things out. lol

The Las Five Years

One of my ultimate crush, Nikki Gil, has another production this month, The Last Five Years. And I wanted to see it. :(

First, it sound so cute. Second, I saw/heard some teasers in her instagram and the score sounds beautiful. Third, it’s Nikki Gil. Fourth, I just crave some good theater performance so bad. I just huhuhu I miss theater.

Thing is, I am not familiar around Makati, I don’t have a ride to go there, I have no idea how much would it cost, I have no company. :(

Anonymous asked: ate totoo ba na kelangan muna mag masteral bago makakuha ng board sa psych?

Kung psychological board exam, oo. Psychometrics kukunin kong board, so wala, bachelors degree lang. :)

Anonymous asked: Hi ate! May alam ka po bang lugar malapit sa FEU na pwedeng pagpahingahan? Naiisip ko sana sa Marina kaso hindi ata papasukin naka uniform tsaka nakakahiya pumasok haha! Thank you! ayoko po sa loob ng school kasi maingay :(

Pinangarap ko dating mag check in sa Sogo nung nag-aaral pa ko. Gusto ko lang maligo sa bath tub o matulog kahit mga tatlo o apat na oras lang. Gusto ko lang tumakas sa Earth. Hahaha kaso ang weird. Tapos wala akong kasama, wala pa akong pera. Pero masarap tumambay sa admin building. Sa third floor. Wala naman kasing masyadong tao dun.

"We, humans, only uses 10% of our cerebral capacity", according to real-life scientists this statement is a joke. Urban legend, myth. 

But even so, I think there is a valid reason why we are only capable of using only a little percent of our capacity. Einstein got it right, we are irrational beings and not to be trusted with power. We are only harnessing that 10%, and look how dangerous we already are. Imagine if we all have access to the rest of this power. Imagine the ruin.

I always thought that Time is only make-believe. That the very concept of time is to limit ourselves with deadlines, but Time is more than just a concept, it is what make us evolve. And that the best thing to do to catch up with Time is to slow down. 

How curious.

Date

I went on a date today. My date bought me jacket just cause I’m feeling cold. My date knows that I have been craving 4-cheese whoppers since last week so we had 4-cheese whopper from Burger King. I bought a new bag, which I totally adore. And we watched Lucy. I fucking love Scarlet Johansson. 

What a date.

I need somebody to make out with.

"..and if you are good and attractive, no need to be proactive. Good things will just happen to you!"

—Twisted: The Untold Story of the Royal Vizier - Starkid

On a happy note, the review center posted the topnotchers of our mock board exam and I am on the top ten list for both Theories of Personality and Industrial Psychology. We didn’t have the result for the Abnormal Psychology yet because we did not have the test this Sunday cause our instructor was absent. Even though it’s just a ‘mock’ I am still proud because we are almost 80+ in the Sunday class and I still made it to the topnotch.

I hope I can make this a reality for the real deal.

While reviewing Sexual Disorders, all I can think of is… how sad premature ejaculation is.